The next day Tanvi woke up with a splitting headache. She was in a cozy looking room with dark curtains drawn; a small table lamp kept on the bedside table gave a yellow hue to the small room. Last she remembered was being on the beach. How did she come here from the beach and this was not even her shack. She remembers going to a rave party but what exactly happened. She was in a night gown which was not hers. All sorts of thoughts crossed her mind. She felt guilty. The elusive freedom that she came looking for in Goa had left her with nothing but a deep sense of guilt and emptiness. This can’t be the freedom.
“Real freedom is all about facing your fears, knowing and accepting them and, still continuing to live unperturbed and unfettered”, Avi entered the room with a cup of black coffee in hand. “Here, madam, have this and you will feel better”.
It was as if Avi had read her mind.
“Now before you replay the epic scene from the —— movie and behave like a damsel in distress let me tell you that you have not been raped or even had sex. You ran from the rave party, fell on a beach, was hallucinating and blabbering some gibberish and were about to get drowned in high tide when I came like your man in shining armour and saved you. I brought you here and you have been snoring away like ever”, Avi said as a matter of fact.
“And yes, I did get the privilege to listen about your fears for you thought I was some shadow and kept on rambling. Though, I couldn’t make much sense of it nor did I wanted to for I had to pull you out of water and you resisted so much”. Tanvi felt both relieved and ashamed. She felt naked before him. Avi had seen her soul naked.
But Avi was right about freedom. Tanvi had faced her innermost fears and continues living her life not in ignorance but with knowledge of it. Yes, she was now free. Her frictions with her mom seem to be just melted away with the darkness of the night. She felt lighter and yet stronger. She dropped a baggage in Goa.
“Freshen up and then we will go for some good Goan lunch”, Avi instructed and left her alone with new found Tanvi.
She also feared failure. She was always a part of this rat race where she was taught that the world is only for successful people. Failures and underdogs are relegated to the corner. Tanvi’s mind reeled into a flashback. Why did she got so upset when she was fired from job? Probably, it was her fear of failure. She felt she can’t face anyone for losing a job was the highest parameter of being a failure. She always dreamt of climbing the ladder of success though she never liked the corporate culture. It just makes you a clog in the machinery. You run blindly behind a target, an elusive target – the closer you get to the target, the farther it slips.
She was looking for the real purpose of her life. She looked upto the sky from the room’s window and spoke one to one with her favourite God, Hanumanji. Tanvi thanked Him and showed confidence in Him to show her the path.
Read the previous post here – Chapter 35 – Impact Of Hallucination – Facing The Fears
Read the next post here –Chapter 37 -Navigating Through The Other Side Of Goa, The Quieter Side
This blog post is inspired by the blogging marathon hosted on IndiBlogger for the launch of the #Fantastico Zica from Tata Motors. You can apply for a test drive of the hatchback Zica today.
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